Empowering Young Girls: Navigating Safety and Self-Defence

“But why would anyone want to hurt me?”

This poignant question came from an 11-year-old during a self-defence workshop I was leading for girls who had just started secondary school. It truly stopped me in my tracks.

As these girls stand at the threshold of adolescence, they are leaving behind the familiar comforts of primary school. They are stepping into a world filled with greater independence, social pressures, relationships, and increasingly, online interactions. One girl's question encapsulated the innocence of the entire room.

So, how do we talk to children about risk without instilling fear? How do we teach self-defence when the situations they may face often look different from what adults imagine?

The threat is rarely a stranger lurking in a dark alley. Instead, it might manifest as a message in a group chat, a request for a photograph, pressure from friends, unwanted touching, a joke that crosses the line, or a boyfriend who disrespects boundaries. Sometimes, it’s behaviour that has become so commonplace that young people no longer recognise it as unacceptable.

Understanding the Risks: A New Perspective

The scale of harmful behaviour experienced by young people is alarming. Ofsted's 2021 review of sexual abuse in schools and colleges revealed that harmful sexual behaviour has become so prevalent that many young people now consider it normal. Nearly nine in ten girls reported that being sent explicit pictures or videos they did not want to see happened “a lot” or “sometimes” to them or their peers. A staggering 92% reported the same about sexist name-calling. Girls also described experiences of unwanted touching, even in school corridors.

The online environment presents another significant challenge. According to Girlguiding's 2023 research, 81% of girls aged 11–21 have experienced threatening or upsetting behaviour online.

These figures are crucial because the person applying pressure or crossing a boundary may not fit the stereotype of a stranger that adults often warn children about. It could be a classmate, a friend, or a boyfriend. It could be another young person sitting in the same classroom or participating in the same group chat.

Scottish data on “other sexual crimes” has similarly highlighted the young age of both victims and perpetrators. Data from the National Police Chiefs' Council (NPCC) found that more than half of sexual offences recorded in 2021 — including offences involving the making and sharing of indecent images — were committed by children, overwhelmingly boys.

This is not an argument for demonising teenage boys. Most are simply young people trying to navigate adolescence, relationships, and an increasingly complex online world. I should know – I’m the mother of a teenage boy myself. These statistics are not meant to frighten girls; rather, they serve as a reminder that our understanding of self-defence must reflect the reality of the world children inhabit.

And that means looking beyond the physical.

The Foundation of Self-Defence: Awareness and Confidence

Teaching a young girl to defend herself should not begin with physical combat techniques. Instead, it should start with helping her recognise when something feels wrong and empowering her to act on that feeling.

This involves teaching girls that their boundaries matter, that they have the right to say no, and that they do not have to remain polite when someone makes them uncomfortable.

In our workshops, we focus on:

• Building Self-Worth: Helping girls recognise their own value so that the pressure to fit in does not overshadow their safety or wellbeing.

• Exploring Real Situations: Engaging in open discussions about group chats, requests for images, unwanted touching, controlling behaviour, and the point at which a “joke” stops being funny.

• Practising Boundaries: Rehearsing simple, assertive responses such as “No”, “Stop”, “I'm leaving”, and “I'm telling someone” — and practising saying them with confidence.

• Creating Distance: Clarifying that walking away, moving towards others, blocking someone online, or seeking help are not signs of weakness; they are valid forms of self-defence.

• Knowing Who to Turn To: Every girl should be able to identify trusted adults she can approach and, crucially, know that she will be listened to, supported, and believed.

  
  

These skills are not a substitute for physical self-defence; they are the foundation upon which it should be built.

Empowering Girls with Practical Skills

Role-play is particularly effective because it transforms advice into something tangible.

A girl who has already practised saying no, stepping away from someone, or asking an adult for help is more likely to find those words when she needs them.

It also allows for discussions about difficult situations before they arise:

• What would you do if someone pressured you to send a photograph?

• What if somebody touched you and claimed it was just a joke?

• What if a friend asked you to keep an uncomfortable secret?

• What if someone ignored your first “no”?

  
  

The objective is not to teach girls that danger lurks everywhere. Instead, it is to instil in them the understanding that their discomfort matters, their boundaries deserve respect, and asking for help is never an overreaction.

Moreover, there is a crucial message that must underpin every course: the responsibility for harmful behaviour lies with the person who chooses to cross the boundary — never with the child who was targeted.

The Importance of Agency in Self-Defence

Physical techniques have their place. Learning how to create distance, escape, and respond to immediate physical threats can equip girls with valuable skills and confidence.

However, effective self-defence education begins much earlier.

It starts with awareness, boundaries, and confidence. It begins with giving girls permission to use their voices.

Ultimately, teaching self-defence to younger girls is not about instilling fear of the world. It is about preparing them to navigate it with greater confidence and independence.

Because often, the most vital self-defence skill isn't knowing how to throw an effective strike. It's knowing when to say no — and having the confidence to mean it.

Conclusion: A Path Forward

In conclusion, empowering young girls with the knowledge and skills to navigate their world safely is essential. By focusing on awareness, confidence, and the importance of boundaries, we can prepare them for the challenges they may face.

Let’s work together to create a supportive environment where every girl feels valued and capable of standing up for herself. Remember, self-defence is not just about physical strength; it's about mental resilience and the courage to assert one's boundaries.

Together, we can foster a generation of confident young women who know their worth and are prepared to advocate for themselves in any situation.